A valid response & a response to it
“And this long diatribe denigrates a condescending man based on wearing a webcam? Excuse me, but this long text is simply acknowledging the power he still has on you, and that you use the same strategy he used to value yourself. But reacting the way you did, you lowered yourself at his level, and you pride yourself for it! Come ON! You’re better than that!!!”
Someone reblogged my recent rant about a dude who told me I should be wearing a helmet with this commentary, which is valid and something I want to respond to. Three years of national-level speech and debate means I feel compelled to address rhetorical issues.
There are two separate things at work in what I wrote: me being pissy (which is what the commentary above is about) and a valid criticism. The jab at the end of the post about him wearing a helmet cam was born of the former component, a desire to make him feel like shit for invading my space, making assumptions about me, and being condescending. No number of speeches or debate rounds can stifle emotional reaction in the real world, and I agree with this person’s disappointment that I let a pithy ad-hominem jab devalue everything else I said. The gentleman who talked to me and I clearly have very different cycling styles, and we probably both think of the other as laughable: I think riding with your knees out marks you as an inexperienced cyclist and find helmet cams dorky, and he likely thinks the same things about putting fashion before practicality and safety. I’m not going to edit out that ending, though, because it would be disingenuous. I also will not apologize for letting it get to me - I may be “better than that”, but this situation involved many different things that anger me on a daily basis, and taking the high road feels like I’m accepting them with a smile. Sometimes I just can’t do it.
If we can agree to laugh at my outrage for a second and move on as adults, I hope my readers (including the OP) will agree that I still presented a number of valid criticisms. It’s rude and condescending to assert that your cycling habits are superior to others’; one ought not critique a stranger unless the way they are riding puts other cyclists or pedestrians in danger. You also can’t tell how experienced of a cyclist someone is based on their riding style or their dress - as I said in my post, I’ve also been hit, but that hasn’t stopped me from being frivolous and eschewing a helmet when my hair looks nice (which is precisely what I was doing when this dude talked to me). Although I’ll never know what precisely motivated him to provide his suggestion, if it had ANYTHING to do with me being a woman or being dressed the way I was…well, I don’t think I need to tell anyone why this is wrong. And helmets are not the magic cure-all some people purport: while it’s true that a collision can happen to anyone at any time, helmets only protect against the most serious of injuries, and being an alert and skilled rider will help you avoid such situations in the first place. Wear them generously, but cheating once in a while doesn’t make you a bad person. We can all make our own decisions about safety.
I’ve spent much of my life learning how to make a solid argument, and I think this is the only time I’ve strayed from good rhetoric in my posts here. But I’m not perfect, and part of my brand of feminism is getting angry and refusing to hide that shit really bothers me sometimes. I know it was low of me to judge him, and that it made me look pathetic, and sometimes that just happens. I hope you’ll still listen to me, and if not, I understand why.
Love,
BLU
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